I found this today and wanted to share.
I wrote about this moment in 2017 just after First Born turned 5, a month after Middle Born turned 2 and just 3 months after Last Born joined our family; because I didn’t want to forget… and I knew I would.
And I did until I read it again tonight.
When I say “one is a really great number”, it’s not because I don’t love, adore and appreciate all three of my completely wanted and planned children.
It’s just so hard to have beautiful, deep, meaningful moments with each one.
You might be able to relate to this, you may not,
but I hope it makes you appreciate those moments.
I’m laying in bed with First Born for the first time in I don’t even know how long, and at first he just wants me to lay, no snuggling. So I roll over to hold Middle Born’s hand through her jail bars (aka crib), and then he decides he wants to snuggle.
So after my arm falls asleep with Middle Born, I roll back over and spoon with First Born and the memories started to flood back…
so I tell him about them.
I tell him about all the times we used to fall asleep just like that.
Every night.
And all the nights we’d sit in the rocking chair, the same one that’s still in his room now, and we’d read stories and rock until he fell asleep. And I’d fall asleep and wake up with a crink in my neck, and I’d put him in his crib, and he’d immediately wake up and we’d have to start all over again.
I told him about how he’d negotiate with me for three stories.
“No, one story.”
“Otay, two sdories?”
“Fine, two stories.”
2013
Getting ready to read to bears in our beloved rocking chair
Then, when he was a toddler, how he’d wake through the night and I’d take him back to his room and snuggle him until he fell asleep, which usually meant me falling asleep too.
How he’d feed the dog and spill the food all over the floor but he’d sit there and pick it all up, piece by piece while Odie would sit and wait and watch, vibrating with anticipation.
How we’d play outside in the snow, or inside with blocks, or doing crafts, or baking… all the time.
How he’d nap in my arms every day just like his sisters do….
He giggled at a few things, but he remembered none of it…
and I cried and I cried.
Some of my most favorite mom moments.
Back when I had my mom shit together and I was really good at it every day, not just good enough most days.
So many moments I wanted and waited so long to have, and then only got them with one because with more, it’s just busier and harder to soak in, no matter how hard you try.
All of those “this kid is my best friend and I can’t imagine a love bigger than this” moments.
And he doesn’t remember any of it…
And I cried and I cried and I cried.
For More 3 Little Learners
